Dharma, as it is used here, means something like right relationship with Life.
It could also be described as the path of right action; the path of greatest integrity; the path (of choices) that do not create unnecessary suffering and help to bring healing to the underlying sources of it; the way of living “thy will be done through me”; the path that leads towards increasing wholeness, appreciation, attunement, connectedness, intimacy, well-being, aliveness, love, clarity, and quality of life for all beings.
Each of these ways of speaking about it are still profoundly inadequate, and can actually be problematic if fixated on. These definitions attempt to evoke a sense that can be felt but never fully described (nor prescribed). “The tao that is namable is not the eternal tao.” The dharma that is prescribable is not the essential dharma.
Dharma loosely relates to the English concepts/words of mission, purpose, ethics, virtue, character, integrity, vocation, calling, the good life, self-actualization and transcendence – but is not fully contained in any individual concept.
There are principles of dharma that are generally true. And there is unique dharma: What is right action for me specifically in this situation, factoring my specific capabilities and experiences? What is my unique life path?
This concept is not deterministic. There is no algorithm that can compute what “right choice” is for you ahead of time. The contemplation of dharma does not seek to reduce choice to rules, (i.e. causation), but to help deepen the reality and meaningfulness of choice – the internal considerations that inform your own choice-making, aligned with your own deepest values, clarity, love, and sense of meaningfulness.
Dharma involves your being, your doing, and your becoming.
Who and how are you being, moment to moment?
How connected are you to your own being, to your love, to the clarity of your principles and values, and how is that informing how you perceive and express in each situation?
What are you doing in your life and where is the motivation for that doing coming from?
What are your actions in service of?
How are you growing and developing, in both your being and your capacity to do?
As such, our dharma is a continuous unfolding.
It has at least as much to do with how we relate to uncertainty as it does to what we feel certain of. Unlike the way we often think of vocation, dharma includes how you show up to all the little things, not just what you choose as your primary focus. And it can change at different times in your life: while raising kids and once they are grown…when you are called to focus on study, then on the application of what was learned, etc.
This is an ongoing and unending inquiry. If it wasn’t, you would be an automata.
It can be worth contemplating how our personal issues and our gifts relate to each other.
How our traumas relate to our dharma. Often traumas lead to destructive patterns that limit the fullest expression of our dharma. Simultaneously, they often sensitize us to certain aspects of the world and develop within us certain insights or capacities that become central to what is ours to give. Notice both what gifts your traumas have given you and where the remnants of trauma still limit the fullest expression of your gifts. Deepening our dharma and healing our karma co-inform each other. Every gift has a shadow, every shadow has a gift – it’s helpful to explore them together.
Inquiring into all these questions still won’t tell you what to do. And insofar as what you most want does become clearer, you may still not know how to get there. But at least you will have deepened your relationship with yourself, which will lead to greater awareness and integrity, which in itself will inform the origins and directions of your future choices. Any increase in awareness, clarity, and love…moves one’s path in unpredictable but profound ways. That lead to continued opportunity for greater awareness, clarity, and love…and with that, a life of deepening beauty and meaningfulness.
Dharma Inquiry List
The following list is a set of prompts for inquiry and journaling that can offer insights into your unique life path and dharma.
Values
- Who are you most inspired by (that you personally know or figures from history)?
- What about them inspires you?
- Who do you respect the most?
- What is it about them that you respect?
- What virtues would you most want to increase in yourself?
- Why those particular virtues?
- What types of behavior and people bother you the most?
- Which issues in the world upset you the most?
- What do you see as most deeply wrong with or “off” in the world?
- What do you find the most beauty in? What are you most moved by?
- If you imagine looking back at your life from your deathbed, who would you be the most proud to have been?
- What news stories about the world would you be most positively moved to see?
- What would you spend your time working on if you could succeed but no one would ever know that you did it?
- What few qualities would you most want to increase in everyone if you could?
What few qualities would you most want to decrease in everyone if you could? - What would you sacrifice personal benefit for?
- What is more important to you than your own life?
- What is sacred to you? What does sacred mean?
- What are you devoted to? What does devotion mean?
- What is the basis of meaningfulness?
- What are you loyal to? What does loyalty mean?
- What would be an adequate reason to violate loyalty?
- What do you feel shame or guilt about?
- What do you feel remorse or regret about?
- If all your personal desires were already met, what would you then desire or care about?
- If you knew you were going to die next year, what would you do?
Then ask “why” to your answers to each of these questions, until you come to something that feels fundamental.
Propensities
- Considering strengths and aptitudes more than just specific skills, what am I naturally good at?
- What seems to come easy to me?
- What types of activities do I feel replenished by?
- What am I willing to do even if it taxes me?
- What do I enjoy doing for its own sake, independent of producing results or getting acknowledgement?
- What is my attention repeatedly called to?
- What can I not not pay attention to?
- What am I intrinsically fascinated by? Passionate about?
- What would I love to study just because it’s interesting?
- When have I felt the most pride/satisfaction related to something I did?
- When have I felt most fully alive?
- What have been the greatest difficulties/pains in my life?
- What are the shadows or weaknesses associated with my greatest strengths or gifts?
- What are the possible gifts associated with my greatest pains, failings, or flaws?
Capacities
- If my financial needs were already met for the rest of my life, what would I do?
- If I had the wealth of Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, what would I do with my life and resources?
- If I was going to go back to school, what would I study?
- If I could download skills Matrix-style, what would my top few most desired skills be?
- What would I do and how would I be different…
- If I was a lot more confident/less fearful than I currently am?
- If I was meaningfully smarter than I currently am?
- If I had much better discipline?
- If I was better with people (more understanding, charismatic, empathetic, patient, etc.)?
- If I had better emotional regulation?
- If my main character deficits were resolved?
- If I had the right team and people supporting me?
- If I had already received all the love, recognition, attention, appreciation, and validation I could ever want and was no longer concerned with those things at all?
- If my life started over with a clean slate (no previous commitments, baggage, etc.)?
- If I knew I would live and be vital until I was 200?
Then ask “why” to your answers to each of these questions, until you come to something that feels fundamental.
Karma
- Who has helped me in my life?
- What blessings have I received, without which I wouldn’t have much of what I am grateful for?
- What obligation do I have to pay those gifts forward, and what might that entail?
- Who have I hurt in my life? Directly or indirectly?
- Where did any of my success or benefit come at anyone else’s expense (my family, romantic partners, friends, business partners, and not just humans, but any beings?)
- What amends do I need to make for those actions?
- Where any amends cannot be made with the beings directly, how could I make those amends to life in general? What would that entail?
- Where has my family and lineage had gifts or greatness?
- How am I a part of that lineage and how is that a part of my story?
- Where has my family and lineage caused suffering?
- How might I make amends for those harms and how is that part of my story?
- Who have I loved that has died?
- What were the traits I loved most about them?
- In what ways can I increase those traits within myself, so that they continue to live through me?
Patterns
- What common behaviors feel like compulsion rather than dharma?
- What fears and attachments keep me from fully living what I know is highest in my heart?
- How do insecurity, self-doubt, and fear limit my choices?
- How does ego get in the way of being the person I would respect the most?
- What parts of my life would not engender the respect of those whom I respect the most?
- What do I do that I wouldn’t want to be fully honest about?
- Where is my success occurring at the expense of others?
- Where does my life feel imbalanced?
- What do I do because I’m good at it or get rewarded for it, but about which I don’t really care deeply?
Guidance
- What were the most profound spiritual experiences of my life?
- What did I experience?
- What was clear in those moments?
- When I was with people I loved who were dying, what was most important to me?
- After their death, what were my reflections about life?
- What were some of the epiphanies I’ve had that felt most clarifying, empowering, or liberating?
- What are the moments I felt most at peace?
- What would it be like to live from that place?
- At which moments did I feel the sense of the sacred the most profoundly?
- At which moments did I feel most in love?
- What are the deepest and clearest knowings I have experienced?
These questions are offered in recognition of the meaningfulness of your life, and with the hope that your desire for your life to be of the greatest service to all life to be realized.
Note: This is an updated version of this document. You can find the original version here.